Potential Move to DM…maybe?

Posted on June 27, 2021 by WonderingRaven

In a world of twitch, I spoke about it some last night as I am sailing away.

I’ve joined twitch in 2014, started to started to pick up the pace as I became inspired by other streamers who started to support me back upon supporting them, but as they turned to partners with twitch they dropped their support me and rarely acknowledge that I still exist or even still stream to this vary day. (I have streamed every day since 2018 and have a steady schedule that works around my current job).

As I do say, it is what it is. You cannot change people unless they want to change in the first place.  Alot of times I’ve seen their main agenda, alliances, and or partnerships will destroy other older ideas and plans as they with their choices in life as they want to be bigger but becoming bigger is at it’s own risk.  In my way of seeing it, I wanted to be on the same level and grow as they grow. But that is just wishful thinking, it can’t happen as I was never on their level in the first place. I guess my curse is that I lived all my life being with no high tier friends, unfriendly, and super unpopular. I try to surround myself with these people in a higher tier than I am in hope that I would get noticed and as they say fake it until you become it. One of my greatest fear is that no one will ever know my name.

So in thought of mine that I have recently is moving my whole stream to DorkMedia (it has a whole catching name already) but doing so as I have stated before I would drop everything I support now and build my own alliances and work my butt off this way vs keep going with what I am doing now and fade WRNet as a stream away but never streaming again, never logging into anything WRnet related unless it is business related, etc.. I feel wrnet as a name is just have a bad reputation somewhere that is preventing me from growing, with what I support now and what pride I hold.  My growth in the past year, has technically reversed than what I have started with and no one to back me up 100% I am technically on my own.

What is the point of pride? I did something with in the past year and that idea was stolen and innovated and I got no thanks for the idea. Instead of working together, they just took the idea and rolled with it. Now they are the hero after they stole the idea that I had, but good for them I hope they have a great success from it as it seems they are already.

I guess when I loose my last 4 subs, I’ll make my switch then and phase away from the whole world of pride. I have pretty much given up trying to move forward with wrnet and twitch right now as I have very little to no support for anything I do and anything I do have or ideals I start with building will eventually be stolen from my own communities / teams I support currently.

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Burned out…

Posted on June 18, 2021 by WonderingRaven

I took a 2 week break from work, completely shutting it off from my life refusing to answer any calls or any messages.  I have learned something valuable in which is why I feel so desperate to leave this job and role.  I am beyond burned out from it, I feel like that rusted nail bent sideways that keeps getting hammered and not going anywhere in which is causing a feeling that I just can’t do it anymore. I was and still is very close to move an “I’m done” email and send it and calling it quits after 7 years.

Digging deeper and it isn’t the actual job itself but it is the actual change that keeps unfolding with 0 communication and the micromanagement caused by a bad employee loosing trust with all employee’s and no matter what I do or show it helps me none.  Leaving me feel extremely unappreciated and overworked and again nothing I can do about it and that itself makes work very not enjoyable. I just wish I could venture to these excellent jobs I’ve applied for and their kick ass values they show off. Too bad I was too impressive with these employers to a point they needed someone not impressive because that was all the excuses I got for when they went with another. I am 100% sure I can do the job I’ve applied for thus is why I’ve applied for it.

I am persistent, I’ll find something.

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Moving forward, onward… and stuff.

Posted on June 7, 2021 by WonderingRaven

Hi there, it has been a bit since I’ve written here. I have been hard looking for a job I can flow with and breaking away from a casino environment for various reasons.

One lesson that I need to really break away from and learn this lesson. My biggest flaw is giving people benefit of the doubt in hope that I would profit a success. Playing their rules and their games just by the end of the day my ideas get stolen as they profit from it I am always left in the dust. I guess that is why I was always labeled as “too nice”.

If I am going to be successful, then I need to start playing the 48 laws of power.
as “Law 5. So much depends on reputation. Guard it with your life; what other people say and think about you is important to control.”  In this thought,  I have to drop the ones who I support that deem a bad reputation as it is hurting mine especially ones who just simply support me in return.

It is just that time for me to finally rise up, I feel like a furious sleeping giant slowly waking up.

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How to make Warframe better…

Posted on April 28, 2021 by WonderingRaven

I’ve been playing Warframe for a long time now. (jan 02 2014).

Sure the game improves, story gets added in things gets interesting and … boring from endless grinding.  I feel actually done with the game regardless of the little stuff I got left to finish getting.

Grinding is very boring and MMORPG related, this game is a 3rd person fps but it feels more like an 3rd person view diablo and every node is a dungeon type.

PvP is very needed in this game and here is how you can add it.

Revamp the Steel-path, if Gears of War can do PvP so can Warframe.

3 teams of 4 on every match, give a higher reward / risk for each node.
Here is some examples:
Exterminate -> TDM(6 lives per team not user)  +  PVE with the ability if the target is met for exterminate they can head to extraction to avoid pvp content.
Mobile Defense + Defense missions.  King of the Hill style vs PVE waves, but increase the mobs per waves and teams have a respawn amount from pvp if you die to another player it counts as a team revive and they can only be respawned up to 6 times. . pve same rules applied as before.
Survive: Hordes of mobs vs Environment + PvP as this turns into a battle for air domination nodes and TDM with 6 pvp team revives.
Assassination (Boss Nodes): This is similar to how Hunt: Showdown operates, your team goes in and kills the assassin target but instead of the boss dropping stuff they drop the bounty collected this could lead to the other teams ambush to attack before and after.
Assassination (Acolyte Spawns): These also drop a bounty for the current game, boosting the rewards of the mission type. Just like the Boss nodes, this acts like Hunt: Showdown
RailJack: Lets make this interesting and turn this into sea of thieves + elite dangerous, 3 ships per mission they have to rush to complete the target first, or just ship combat and / or complete ship take over.
Index: PvP instead of 1 team vs pve content, now we open this to 4 teams, 3 players, 1 AI and up the wager amount.

Just this content alone, viewership for even the newbie players will jump. Because every game will be unpredictable and fun. It will make new changes for players to mod their warframes differently and be more open to making better choices with match making.

Leaderboards can be added, endless possibilities.

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Retiring the stream…

Posted on April 25, 2021 by WonderingRaven

Announcement:
I am going to be retiring WRnet’s stream, I do appreciate the little help I did get.

But that wasn’t enough, I did give it a month extra but still nothing much really have changed.  Yes, that means I am giving up.

I’ve tried and when all you get in return is hate there isn’t much more to do and at this point I am ignored by alot of people especially when I need help they help others and refuse to also give me a hand especially helping them out for the longest time.

What brings the hate to my channel? Just being trans or sitting on the lgbtq+ tag. And with the lack of support from the “ANY” community, it’s hard to keep it as a support or being proud on twitch to that matter.

My focus is switching to one of my brands, DorkMedia as a backup. It will be on its own twitch stream with their own schedule / times, rebranding, discord and so forth.  The focus will be driven on its own and will not be any type of political standing.  I am removing alot of stuff and doing a full revamp how things are seen.

Sadly, I will be removing anything in relation to what I show in support now, games I do play will be an invite only to co-op with.  That also means no trans-pride and in overtime maybe I’ll re-incorporate being trans but not until I gain a new following.

When I phase out, I’ll most likely stream there from now on and leave this stream in the dark when I relaunch DorkMedia, when I go dark, meaning you wont see a post from my twitter when I go live, Most likely vanish from discord, and any other media platform.

This is it, no future warnings, no long-winded posts, I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for the ones who have helped me dearly or attempted to be there but with the lack of the communities or others who you think are friends.

The damage is done, I’ve waited for a long time for help. When viewership sits at 1 – 3 average viewers and when you are a ghost to even your idols, it is time to be that ghost and turn your idols into rivals while reinventing yourself.

I am done hoping for that boost, especially when you feel like you are getting egged on from the start. As they say, I need to choose better friends.

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30 Job Interviews in 4 months

Posted on March 24, 2021 by WonderingRaven

I’ve actually interviewed with over 30 jobs in over 4 months.. that is  insane.
but sadly…. none accepted me.

Well, I have grown to my limits with this position, it’s not allowing me to advance on gain more knowledge and so on. The work environment has became toxic since I was thrown under the buss and made an example of in 2019 and my mom dies a week after, this job is like working in a pirate ship they look all to be your friends but they are there to stab you in the back when you need their help the most.

This job has been most stressful and it’s on job duties that is not mine, stuff I didn’t sign up for. The stress is beyond a level than it should be I guess this is why I am on the verge of putting in my 2 weeks and quitting for over a year now. I feel like I am wasting my talent and my time being in this job and I don’t want to be at this feeling. Life is too short to have this kind of stress level I don’t give a damn if the casino just got sold and all the bullshit, I had enough and damn it I have had enough.

I lost my nervous feeling with interviews on the 2nd interview a few months ago, so it is technically not being nervous anymore.

Just I don’t know what I am doing wrong, I’ve answered their technical questions, I do all the things right that should have potentially say “you’re hired”.  But I don’t, I am ready to submit this 2 weeks and break away now I just wished it would be with another company   and not end up being unemployed.

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A Pirate Survival Guide – Bypass Twitch ads.

Posted on March 16, 2021 by WonderingRaven

We escape the internet from TV days to watch things, if you are like me you also hate TV commercials and how the plague us with various ads from Pharmaceuticals to Political ads.

Here is my work around for blocking ads on twitch and other intrusive services such as “youtube” etc..

I followed the rabbit hole from a reddit post.
That led me to this post on github.

Tools:
Chrome(edge, brave, chromium etc…) / Firefox – uBlock Origin, Twitch AdBlock, and  now apply some advanced settings:

  • Navigate to the uBlock Origin Dashboard (the extension options)
  • Under the My filters tab add twitch.tv##+js(twitch-videoad).
  • Under the Settings tab, enable I am an advanced user, then click the cog that appears. Modify the value of userResourcesLocation from unset to the full url of the solution you wish to use (if a url is already in use, add a space after the existing url). e.g. userResourcesLocation https://github.com/pixeltris/TwitchAdSolutions/raw/master/notify-strip/notify-strip-ublock-origin.js
  • To ensure uBlock Origin loads the script I recommend that you disable/enable the uBlock Origin extension (or restart your browser)..

 

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A personal rather important details.. worth sharing.

Posted on March 8, 2021 by WonderingRaven

Dear Readers, Friends, or even Family.

This has been a very long time coming and has been put off since the passing of my mother.

With that being said, there is something personal about me that I wanted to share with you (reader). This has been something I have been carrying inside for many years and I am finally ready to share this with you.

So here it is: I am transgender, my gender identify is female.

This may come as a big surprise, but I hope you can still trust me in my identity and the decision to finally come out.

I am not looking for acceptance as it would be nice, but I have spent my whole live not being accepted from anyone and I have been supporting myself since I was very young so having the support is great but not expected.  In spite of the challenges you might expect navigating this, I am happier, internally more at peace, and fully present and optimistic in a way I have not been before.

There comes to a time in my life that I am both emotionally and mentally very tired, because life is one crazy adventure, but when you are being brutally hit with traumatic experiences in over a course of 30+ years most you can say is “please stop, I beg of you”. In a nut shell, from cancer, shady business partners, to even bad people in general that I put my trust into while letting my guard down to take on even more punishment.

I am happy to at least finally introduce you to me the real me.

Sincerely,
Brandy “The Wondering Raven” Smith.

 

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Retiring is a better term..

Posted on February 19, 2021 by WonderingRaven

Hi there, for the lack of a better term, and what I have been trying to say and how I am trying to deliver it.

April 2nd is a deadline for myself, if I can’t make something I want & need soo badly to happen, rather it be my side business, my job, or even my own streaming on twitch. I have to call it quits.  I am also trying to decided If I will be stepping away from Computers, IT, Cyber and all…

Here is my pivot point: I am switching to and humbling down too from.

Shifting my focus towards the car community I refugeed back when I was in Oregon and got inspired to do at one point maybe shift focus into the underground car community and give back into what it means to street race and that deadly underground world. Switching careers to potentially autozone or firestone, maybe I could just jump in as a manager of something along that lines.  Because I do have excellent customer service skills and management to follow.

I guess you can say:

I am tired of fighting for where I want to be, I am done going the extra mile because I don’t hold that special degree or a cert when clearly I can do the job and so on…  I can’t afford 5k+ certs and I can’t afford that debt for schooling for it.

I am tired of actually getting into a field with my skills but it isn’t where I want to be and I get stuck with poor management to a point I become a target of harassment and bullied upon.

I hate applying for computer related jobs because I am a shitty  network / sales person and I can’t get to that point on my own with out some type of help.

This is how my business isn’t launching: 

In Oregon, I used a tool called BNI(Business Network International), it’s a forced network marketing with others, you pay to play, the business picked up because I am not a sales person but my business partner was and it was “forced” networking and doing business with. . Replicate that in Vegas is hard mainly due to the BNI is much more expensive and at the time I was living basically homeless but had a full time under the table job back at the ISP just to make money. I don’t have any type of partnerships to also get the help from. I do have a full on layout floorplan how the business model will be successful from a short to long term goals but to sell that to someone has been a super hard challenge.   I went as far as email scraping and spamming local businesses but not 1 bite and been at this since 2011, and always retrying different strat that would have worked in the early 00’s.

My stream of games will sadly come to an end, because not just with a career change but my side I’ll have to be lowering my costs such as my huge internet bill. Sole purpose of getting unlimited and gigabyte speeds was for streaming gaming. Purpose of Streaming is networking and community building with applied support from the games I play.  Maybe I’ll change my mind if things where different and I had some type of networking partner or something.  Thinking back I did alot of major accomplishments for myself I even broke my own people anxiety but that is as far as it goes.

When my ex-wife has told me “you are not a like-able person” as I know one way she was saying that because she was attempting to actually bully me but it is hard not to agree that she was right and I have seen that now. I have had multiple front page exposures and best I got from that is 2-3 average viewers less than a few active that pops in every now and then. from 2018, this is now 2021… in midst of the pandemic. Numbers are insane for viewership just… not for me.. there has been weeks and months I’ve taken time off of work and streamed during the day and spent 8 – 12 hour streams and maybe I’ll get 1 day of multiple viewers but on average nope.

Applied for gaming sponsorship from gaming companies, this ends up in heartbreak all the damn time.  Prime examples is Companies like Warframe or Sea of thieves are the 2 major ones I currently play. Warframe or DE is solely if one of their people actually like you vs what you can bring to the table and if you have a friend already they can get you in. SoT is more of a high demand relaying on your YouTube viewership than their Twitch….

In a nutshell:

There is a saying my mom would tell me over time and time again about the story about the mom who baked cookies and asked for help countless of times but never receives it.  Cookies are done and now everyone wants one but refuses to give one to the people who didn’t help.

I guess, you can say I have been attempting to make and bake these cookies for soo long, it’s time to toss them out and start a new batch elsewhere.

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three interviews and three different jobs

Posted on February 17, 2021 by WonderingRaven

I am going to keep names out for security reasons, but here is a sum up of the interview’s this week, as it hurt me deeply when I didn’t get the Zappos job as I wanted, so I wanted to hack my interview process as I don’t get nervous anymore.

  1. Interview on Monday, this one got me by storm as they did their homework. I did interview with them last summer but it wasn’t like this before nor did I use my “name” name as I used my deadname in before at this point they knew or I assume they do. This was for an MDR style company focused on Threat Detection and Incident Response, my role is an Systems Admin for a Cyber Security Firm.
    1. Pro:  This round they hit me hard as they actually investigated me, they “technically doxxed me” and completely caught me of guard on the knowledge about me already and I love it.
    2. Another Pro: is that they know what they are getting and they seemed super excited.
    3. Con: on this one is now they also know my struggle with harassment from my current employer how I am struggling especially with coping from my loss while my job is kicking me while I am down per-se.
    4. Con: Caught me on a reflection of a failure dream of mine, I had to explain that it seems to be turning around a little by little.
    5. Reflection on this is, it feels like I could be an excellent fit for them but Last time I got this feeling they ghosted me, I didn’t even get a rejection letter.
    6. Interview questions and answering I took a difference approach, I actually did some research on the terminology to reflect on universal questions that actually did NOT get asked this time (super sus here)  Answered technically questions on the dot.
    7. I’ve listed my linkedIn and my website’s they went as far as to my past streams / YT etc… they might have lurked in a stream or 2.
    8. I didn’t have to technically toss in any social engineering questions to really poke and build on their company as they sold me from the start.
  2. Interview on Tuesday, this one hits my deadname hard.  Based on an Senior level Systems Admin.
    1. Pro’s working with SCCM
    2. Pro All local business, main client is a local collage.
    3. Con with this brings back old memories of a consistent driving around everywhere.
    4. Con they have done no research on me, not even a ping on my linkedin. They asked basic questions. The interview was short and very basic.
    5. Reflection, I used my research on answering generic questions that gave a professional answer and tried to keep anytype of self pity out of it as this was one of my weaknesses of the past in interviewing.
    6. Tossed in a few social engineering to learn about this team and it was all basic stuff nothing big.
  3. Interview on Wednesday, this one is with my current employer but in a different department.  Cyber Security Software Engineering
    1. Pro’s I’ve worked with the interviewers in the past so they already technically know how I work but had to ask questions based on it.
    2. Pro’s they know I want in as I have been applying for this position for over 4+ years now and have followed up with them on it.
    3. Con with this one, it’s a casino…
    4. Con They added in off the wall questions that wasn’t really questions but puzzles that require some thought and if you are not ready for a puzzle they understand it?
    5. Reflection, they slipped as they already have a role for me during the process if I get chosen, thing is I put in this application last fall well over 6 months.  I threw in some Social Engineering questions to see if they picked up on it and only the last one at the end they caught me red handed on.

Overall all of these interviews was great, if I had an offer from all 3. I would choose 1, 3 second and 2 last. Because their delivery and how they took that extra time and learn me! If you are going to hire someone might as well get to really know them especially if they put that information out there.  #3 would be a second choice because they already worked with me and I’ve worked with them in the past and we know each other by work relations but not on a personal level they didn’t take the time like I did and investigate them on their personal level like #1 did for me and #2 would be last because I feel like I will be working with people who just put off the vibe of just there to collect a check.  I don’t want to be around that kind of people who feel like they clock in for a check as personality clashes happen and if you can’t trust your co-worker then what is the point?

When I jump to an interview, I technically lookup my interviewer in essence doxx them to understand who is interviewing me, I get to learn them on a different level in essence I could figure out some terminology for my explanations to their questions.

Social engineering about what they do and how they do it and see if they give any insight if I am a perfect match for their company by giving away details upon the process. Like I would toss in something in relation to a question or even a joke to the process and I pick up on certain words placed in like a topic of a project currently in.

Here is what I found out with all 3 interviews.
#1, caught me off guard with zoom, but was hard to do any type of digging but there was a lot of red flags that I might already be selected as they kept the interview short and sweet and more into my personal stuff and even on a car level of things. I was afraid that coming in to this I would be interviewed like I was last summer, but not even a discussion about salary and instead of 1 person, 2 people joined the call… and they digging that personal is a huge red flag on a good side that feels promising for sure this time around.

#2 was a teams call, they gave me details of how the whole network is run and operated, technically if I was a bad actor I can site on a campus and do bad things good thing I am not… they didn’t ask for salary information that gives me an idea they might have me in sights as they need someone reliable. After the incident with 2014, I don’t want to be caught in another company with that same situation.

#3 This one had some red flags, one of the guys kind of already had a role for me and spoke it as an accident during the interview process.  I lead with a joke and all but that is how this person works. Puzzles I was trying to skim them to give me the answers to them but they gave alot of hints this was a time filler as they kept on stating we have this much time left and so on and they have no actual questions for me.  Basic questioning especially on the work we did together in the past was asked and nothing I was expecting to be asked, they caught me red handed as this one I asked “how did I do?” typically they should not give you an answer Zappos did and it caught them off guard, because in all fairness they don’t seem to be fair if they told you that you did good. but I learned something from this as their response was golden vs the one from zappos… They almost told me that I could be the one but has to respond with an actual professional response of “nope can’t tell you” as the zappos one felt like I had to say something nice to not hurt feelings.

I hope in a perfect word #1 gets me as I feel sold already.

But as I have been feeling lately, rejection is a strong feel and when you apply for rejection when an offer is drawn you are not only humbled by the request but you also value it.

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