As simple as they say, I just simply can’t keep doing this.

Last friday night,I was leaving work a bit early and driving home.

I am in tears because I am having a flood of emotions come in, so much of traumic pain flooding through my thoughts with a mental exhausting of I am really tired of this.

I am tired, burned out.

I am 46, my mom passed away at59, and her mom at the same age and I keep telling myself that I am just too tired, I am also deathy afraid.

I’ve lost alot of my life from cancer battle to the whole traumatic experience lead by Marty.

I know I can’t keep doing this, I want to scream this so badly.

I may have 10 years on this planet left maybe more depending on the luck of the draw, I am barely holdong on.

So many thoughts of sadness, fear and… it keeps piling on.

If only, I had career growth again…

If only I had a friend I could get help on a rapid growth in a career field.

Hey look, it is a saturday morning,

so I woke up… I was in deep tears of as if I had a lucid nightmare of a dream.

In this dream I was experiencing a life that I was reliving my child hood… but wait this wasn’t my child hood. It was more advanced, perhaps it was a subconscience reflection of what I did want growing up?

I don’t recall but in the dream I was crying badly and I woke up that way.

Maybe it wasn’t a nightmare.

Today I have been masking my pain, but it was starting to sleep as I was trying to focus on getting some responsibilities done.

I needed to fix the virtual machine, touch grass on conan, and focus on my car.

Wait, my turbo kit shown up… it’s here!

I am way far behind on my bucket list, I wished I had help as I am burned out and feeling well over welmed.

I miss Oregon so badly, it is also hurting me today too. I want to go back so bad as it has been 16 years now.

If, Only if Mister McGee didn’t attempt to kill me and ruin my career reputation. I would be there still, living a better life.

If only I knew before hand that he was nothing more than a con artist and a pshycotic human being…. I would still be there.

So many thoughts, so much I need over wants right now, so much pain, so much suffering, so much fear.

No one is there to give me that hug and tell me it’s ok,  no one to lift that wrench and help me get my goals achieved.  No one to give me that chance to greatness.

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!” -Rocky Balboa

Hello there,

Did I reach my goal for 2025?

In some what not all the way, my ultimate goal is yo move back to Central Oregon where I was forced out. But some things did happen like some debt was cleared, focus on my own cars to be ready for the move back north has began, I still have 1 more car to get opperational.

My ultimate goal for 2026 is to move north back to central oregon.

My TougeSW isn’t sucessfull at all, it’s been on a standstill for a while but it is more of a vlog than anything else. But if I end back up to the PNW it will revert to TougeNW.

Reason I want to go back so badly is that PNW felt more of home than Vegas ever had, the Vegas Heat has been devistating to me, and it feels and has always felt like a prison in Vegas. The people are extremely ungreatful and it’s only growing bigger. Vegas is never for me, I may have been born and rasied here just this isn’t my town I just simply don’t belong here.

in 2026 I am looking to expand and looking for opporunities still to move back to central oregon. Ontop of that I am looking to start my “Slide America” tour with my drift car, release of my second book detailing the whole lvnet network of what I’ve shaped when I was there and a potential concept release of a game I’ve been working on when I am bored at times.

So I am reworking the network, it’s been a bit since I’ve done so. Lots of changes and lots of reworking.

• Discord has been purged and rebooted
• Currently reworking the current design of this site
• Stream stays the same just will Inherit a new design
• Main focus is TougeSW right now, Vegas Hackware is my side hustle and book and is working on a second book as we speak
• Clothing store front is also coming slowly.

Here I am writing another page in my second book and this came to me and I figured it is worth sharing.

There is alot, and I do mean alot of of small things in my life that are actually a lot bigger and with ignorance I took it for granted and should share my experiences. For an example, When Zul’Gurub came out to World of Warcraft, our guild was in the race for who can take down the boss first, On Archimonde at the time and I can’t remember if it was Month’s behind or if I was a part of another guild on the alliance side, I was a feral druid who always had to respec. to restoration because back in these days feral druid was extremely broken and weak during raids and their only use was to back up the priest.

When we failed the fight we found out that the hunter’s pets are still infected with the corrupted blood and decided to unleash them into Iron Forge and did so we ended up watching how badly this started to infect others over and over to a point it was getting bad and it ended up getting so bad it ended up crashing the server as I remember this was a server that was down for over 6 hours because of this incident over a few days. The dead bones were lined up so thick in Iron Forge that it would lag the client side so bad to a point it would crash the client.  It was hilarious times but I never knew how important this kind of level was, never would have thought this would be a ground breaking story that would also be a study later on with infectious disease. Learn more about the incident here 

So it is amazing such little things in life at least for me can be impacted, so I take a big look back and look at the years I’ve been with LasVegas.net (ISP.Net now) and when my dad tells people that I’ve helped built that ISP from the ground up I normally shrug it off, but in the past few years I’ve been realizing it and he wasn’t wrong. 

I would love to give a good positive outlook on how my life turned out, I would love to have reported how highly successful in the ISP being their CISO, being highly influenced leader and giving epic scale talks as if I was Kevin Mitnick.

Sadly, in this timeline of events, I am nowhere near with that level of success. Instead, any talks I get to perform is rejected, I was bullied out of my own Defcon Group 702 I’ve been working on building since 2014 and I am to a point in my career I’m extremely burned out. When I do get to a level of a success in my career path I get pushed down, bulled, and ignored which doesn’t help my burn out feel.

As I was digging through some of my nostalgic code, relearning what I did do and, in this day, and age, A part of me goes: maybe it is a good time to be paid as a black hat, maybe it’s time to dig back to what I did do back in 2000 before I took over the ISP. Learning that a botnet I’ve once developed can be remade and I can go back to finding and hoarding 0days again rebuilding a botnet, this time not to use and flex but to resell on the darknet.

Another part of me says don’t, instead keep focus on building the book and the brand and give it some more time, even though I am about to turn 46, my success is help putting away the ISP’s owner with my book.

Now, what if I was in a different time line and I did get successful with my OG hack and became the ISP’s actual CISO (if you read my book, I’ve played the role in their network as their acting CISO as in a multi-hat role) and recognized as such.  I would be doing talks, giving inspiration to keep up the dreams, help give back to the hacker community, my DC702 would have been grounded as I would have been a Kevin Mitnick level of approval on the eyes of the community.  I would be able to focus more of building my name even further and wouldn’t have been burned out by the job career.

My second book, is more about my actual resume, my original 0day for the “ssh nuke” before someone else found it and reported it as a POC and somehow ended up on matrix 2…. How I built the botnet and how I took over the ISP to how I helped shaped the ISP to where it is at today. laying down the foundation I’ve reshaped.

Back in 2010 I made a move to Oregon in a reponse to massive trauma I’ve endured during the 2001 – 2009 yearh. Alot of that was explained in my book.

In the past 15 years, I realized alot more about Oregon and me than I have realized, first of all the heat and the air is brutally hurting and destroying my health. 5 months out of the year I can’t stand outside as this brutal heat is causing massive problems with me and my body.

I’ve also learned that I have a huge sugar and wheat allergy, but for the most part, I am not always fighting to stay awake like I do now, I was not always heavy breathing that I do now. The dust is so thick in this valley and it feels like it’s getting hotter each year with more days of 100F+ causing more months of intense heat and more days I get violently sick to be outside, I have to litterly push myself and after 30 minutes I am so dizzy, tossing in so much sweat and it doesn’t mater how many energy drinks I’ve acquired I’ll pass out from it.

I wished I wasn’t so stuck in trauma shock in 2010 and I wished I would have never trusted Mike and started my own business as originally planned and contract work with him so I can easily deny work I don’t feel good with.

I feel like vegas is my prison and my personal hell that I am seriously stuck in, I need help badly to get out. I am also trying to get my cars running so that if I do find an opportunity to leave I can easily do so, I’ve been working hard with out being hospitalized.

I’ve been looking extremely hard for job opportunities or even somehow figure out how I am going restart my busines there. I’d love to return TougeNW back there and bring with me Vegashackware a Cyber security firm / consulting company.

I’ve been reaching out to get my story out there but no one seems to want to listen. I really need help. I’ve even started a gofund me in an attempt to leave this place for good.

Anyways, if you want to help.
GoFundme or my Book. or if you are a business I did serviced back in the day looking to venture in or do a good dead in the world. This is it.  Feel free to contact me.

First of all, I am not looking to become a twitch partner. Instead I am looking to boost my branding.
To make this clear, here is what I am looking for:

• Colaboration with WRnet – Gaming stream
  • Hunt Showdown
  • Sea of Thieves
  • and other various games.
• Colaboration for TougeSW – Drift and car content.
• Colaboration for Cyber Security with Vegas Hackware.

What I am not looking for:

• Graphic Designers
• Networking Marketing
• I don’t need twitch emote makers
• No AI crap
• and no V-Tuber  stuff.

Twitch Streams is a hobby and a tool not a job.
If you offer anything in my not looking list prepare to be ignored and / or blocked on various platform.

If you want to network do any Market anything for me as a service, I highly suggest help me with marketing my book.

All business inquiries please email me at kallador [a *your mom* t] wonderingraven [dot] net